Chpater 4: A member of the trio recieves a personality change...plus danger outside of D.C.

Ok, so as the title suggests a member of the trio receives a personality change...I'm sure you are all assuming its Elyse, and you are quite right. I'm getting slightly tired of writing her as a whore...and I've got some other things in mind for her character...and quite frankly, being whore just wouldn't fit them. So! on with the story!! P.S. I like Traffic Lights, I like Traffic Lights, no matter where they've been. I like traffic lights, i like traffic lights but only when they're green.

"Rachel, I've been thinking on my life..." said Elyse, staring reflectively at her current garments...which consisted of a thong...and a bra.
"Bout time." said Rachel, setting down her bag and rummaging through it.
"I think...I want...to be...a minister!" she cried, tears streaming from her eyes.
"God Dammit." Said corey, pissed that he might not get his chance with elyse now that she had denounced herself as a whore. Rachel finally pulled out a pair of jeans and a shirt that said "Ex-Whore of Rhode Island".
"You always knew, didn't you?" said Elyse, putting on the clothes and grimacing at the feeling of cloth against her skin. Rachel smiled and began walking again.
"NO!!!" screamed Corey. "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!" he yelled even louder as he ran at Rachel...fury written on his face.
"Oh for God Sakes...she would never have fucked you anyways." said Rachel, stabbing him with a light saber. Corey then stumbled back and died.
"Well, you killed Corey. Nice going." said Elyse, kicking his dead body.
"He won't be dead for long..." Rachel said, knowing that he had 2 out of his 3 lives left. With that being thought, Elyse and Rachel walked on until they reached the outskirts of D.C.
"We're almost there!" cried Elyse, happiness flooding her face.
"If only corey's lives had kicked in sooner." Said Rachel, shaking her head solemnly, then continuing towards capitol hill. But, a sound was heard coming from behind them. It was a sinister sound that sounded like the kind of sound that one would associate naughty behavior with...only it was not heavy breathing.
"What do you suppose that sinister sound is?" asked Elyse, searching herself for a weapon and finally finding the gun she kept in her bra.
"I dont' know...but whatever it is...it won't get too close to us without dying first." Said Rachel, charging in the direcion of the alleged danger. She then sliced a person in half...and it turned out to be Corey.
"Dammit Corey, what the hell!??!" yelled Elyse as Corey's lives were healing him.
"Well, I thought I'd follow you...you know...finish out the mission." he said, brushing off the dirt that had collected on his shirt.
"Whatever, slut." Said Elyse as she turned back towards the capitol building. As they walked, Elyse noticed that the sound had not stopped.
"That sinister sound is still afoot." she said, looking behind her worried.
"Whatever it is...its keeping its distance." said Rachel, looking behind her as well.
"OR ITS RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!!" yelled Corey as he ran past them screaming his girly scream. In front of them stood the most hideous and scary creature ever to walk the face of the earth...it was....corey's wife, Frumpy Amy.
"COREY!!!!" she boomed, swinging a frying pan over her head and chasing him down.
"NO!!! PLEASE!!!" yelled corey, avoiding her blows.
"Amy, come now....whatever could you be so upset about?" asked Elyse, pulling on a minister's outfit and pulling out a bible.
"Oh, Pastor Elyse...cna you help me solve my problems??" said Amy, dropping to her knees and kissing the hem of Elyse's robe.
"Yes, I can sister....I'm here to help all...with Jesus by my side." she said, smiling down at Amy with her pastorly smile.
"Well, Corey...my husband...has not been home at all...and we need to consumate our marriag!! we've been married for ten years!!" cried Amy.
"There there, my child...soon, Corey will return to you as a horny bastard...I'll be sure of that." Said Elyse. "Now, go in peace and serve the lord." said Elyse, crossing herself. Amy followed suit and walked him sniffling, but with a lighter air in her step.
"Wow..." said Rachel, amazed at the quick turnaround.
"Lets get going..." said Corey, sounding pissed off.

well, there it is...hope you enjoyed it. and elyse...hope you like your new character. It was getting rather boring writing you as a whore...but it made your pastoral transformation ever so much more fun. So, it was, in the end, necessary.
lOVE!!

Chapter 3: Journey through the forest and meeting the wise one.

So, here it is. My dear sweet next chapter. This one goes out to all you lumberjacks out there in the world of blogging. Long live the lumberjack!!!....and Kumar.

They had been walking for quite a few hours and had made great progress in their journey. They were currently 3 feet outside of New York and at the current rate, they should be at the other side of the country by next year. But, they are not journeying to the other side of the country, they are in fact journeying to....Michigan's Upper Penninsula! But, before they reached that grand ol' UP, they came across the dreaded forest of Marco (author's note: only Theresa will understand the German story behind Marco...lol...)
"oh...wow..." said Elyse as she let go of the male squirrell and it went scampering off with a smile on its face.
"Yea, we must be going quickly, the Forest of Marco has many dangers in it..." said Rachel, walking forward towards the deep dark forest.
"Like what?" asked Corey, skeptically chewing his bit of straw.
"Like...bunnies, and kittens...and frogs...and the worst of all. The BanglehopperMcClellan." replied Rachel, slightly distracted. Corey's went wide and he dared not speak again for fear of attracting the deadly BanglehopperMcClellan. But, what Rachel had failed to mention and was probably the most dangerous creature of them all...was the Abominable Snow Mary (thank you corey)
"Rachel...its been hours." stated Corey, collapsing on the ground.
"Fine...i suppose we could take a short break." she said, angriely sitting down while Corey and Elyse were dying...figuratively. It was then that they heard a rumbling sound not far away.
"Whats that?" asked Elyse, sitting up and looking around worriedly.
"Is it a BanglehopperMcClellan!?!?" yelled Corey, panic written all over his face.
"No...its another creature that I failed to mention so that corey wouldn't have a heart attack." said Rachel, standing up and pulling out her light saber.
"What is it then?" asked Elyse, standing next to Rachel.
"The Abominable Snow Mary." Rachel said, dread obvious in her voice.
"Who dares enter my kingdom!?!?" roared the manly voice that could only belong to the feminine" Snow Mary.
"Just keep quiet...maybe she won't come here." said Rachel, but it was too late for Corey who let out a piercing scream, giving away their hiding place.
"There you are!!" roared the Snow Mary. She was a towering 12 feet and was pure white with giant frizzy hair that was recently cut by a woman named Cookie.
"RUN!!!" yelled Elyse, running towards the darkest part of the forest. They had no choice but to follow her, but the Snow Mary was following close behind as well. Soon, the trio came to a dead end and they were cornered by the terrifying snow mary.
"please don't hurt me!" cried Corey.
"Wait...there are dead ends in forests?" asked Elyse, noticing the flaw in the writing, but before her question could be answered, the Snow Mary spoke.
"UGHHHHH...You human scum...I crush you with my big hands!!" she said, then slammed her fists down, narrowly missing Rachel.
"We do not fear you, Abominable Snow Mary!" Rachel bellowed, shaking her light saber in anger.
"Speak for yourself." said Corey, fanning himself with a popcorn box from a recent trip to the moveis.
"Well, I'm still confused about the dead end in the forest." Said Elyse, staring at it amazed. It wsa then that another rumbling sound was heard approaching them.
"WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT!?!?" screamed Corey, fannig himself faster.
"That...my friend, is a BanglehopperMcClellan." said Rachel, relief spilling across her face. The one enemy of the Snow Mary was the BanglehopperMcClellan and she was hoping that the fight between the two would result in a distraction that would allow her, elyse, and corey to get away and to the wise one's dwelling.
"Ah, I see whats going to happen now." said Elyse, giving up on the dead end and giving Rachel a knowing look.
Then, a large brown and hairy creature emerged. This one was as ugly as ugly comes and it was no question in saying that this one was definately called Amy.
"Amy the BanglehopperMcClellan. You must fight me!" screamed the Snow Mary, becoming distracted by the enemy. Amy only grunted at her, then swung her abnormally long and heavy arms around in a circly above her head, making to make a dangerous blow to Snow Mary's head.
"Lets go!" whispered Elyse and Corey, Elyse, and Rachel slowly snuck away and continued their journey, the voices of the BanglehopperMcClellan and Snow Mary's fight being heard for miles around. They soon came upon a small carboard cave with a few flowers drawn on it.
"Well, we're here." said Rachel, walking up to the entrance of the cave and knockin louldy on it. The entrance was then filled by a woman who had long gray hair, a sagging face, saggin boobs, and an obviously sagging *ahem*.
"May I help you young sires and....farmer?" asked the old woman, resting her eyes on corey with disgust.
"Madame Alexis...so good to see you...do you not remember me?" asked Rachel, bowing.
"Oh, Master Rachel...come in come in, I'm sorry. Mine eyes are so weary with age." she said allowing them to come in. "Now, don't tell me...let me guess as to why you are here." she said. Rachel rolled her eyes, but let her continue.
"Ok...you want my crumpet recipe, don't you." she said.
"No...we're here for-" said Rachel, but she was interrupted
"NO no!!! Don't tell me...you want to...dig up my husband and allow me to-" she said, but was interrupted by Elyse.
"Me too!!! I would soooooo do that...I am, of course, the Whore of Rhode Island." She said, smiling at the old woman who was beginning to have a good effect.
"We are here because we need to know how to get rid of the Giraffer Attackers." said Rachel, cutting Elyse and Madame Alexis' conversation short.
"Oh, that is what you are here for...I knew it!" said alexis, pulling out her giant crystal ball.
"First, we must see what must be seen" she said, waving her hands around the crystal ball.
"Baldfahwefudfp aldfkj woihsd" she said, the magic words rolling off her tongue like butter. The cyrstal ball swirled and soon was replaced by an image of the giant metal masses known as the Giraffer Attackers.
"hmmm...the road will not be easy...but, it can be done. You must first retrieve the president's approval for the extinction, then come back to this cave and we will discuss further your task." Said Alexis, turning the switch on her ball off and setting it back in its cardboard box.
"Thank you" said Rachel, staninding up and leaving
"TO WASHINGTON D.C.!!" the three of them yelled, then ran off in to the woods towards the president.

Well, there it is. Hope you like it....leave a comment please!!

Chapter 2: Enter Giraffer Attacker...plus a new friend...or foe?

ah, yes, here it is...my next greatest creation. Chapter 2 of the Giraffer Attacker series...the best series in all of blog history, yo! Fo shiz.

"Holy shit...its a Giraffer Attacker..." muttered Rachel, her mouth dropping in shockanog.
"I thought they were extinct..." said Corey, chewing nervously on a piece of straw. It had been believed for the past three hundred years that the Giraffer Attackers had been wiped out from the face of the earth by the Hispanic Child Association and then in the rest of the world by The Redneck Mississipians.
"I guess not...I wonder how they survived all these years without anyone noticing." said Elyse, slipping her clothes back on.
"Well, we are in New York and this place is pretty deserted, I'm sure they had no issues there." said Corey, rolling his eyes at Elyse's apparent stupidity.
"We should probably slay them...we don't want them reproducing." said Rachel, taking out her light saber and walking towards the herd of Giraffer Attackers.
"Giraffer Attackers!!! Stand still whilst I kill you!" she shouter, raising her light saber above her head.
"NO!!!" screamed a voice and Rachel was knocked to the ground...by a less hairy than usual mass.
"Who are you to deny my killing spree?!?!" demanded Rachel, her eyes bleeding in anger.
"I am Mary...shepard of the Giraffer Attackers." she answered, fixing her shepards hat.
"I'll be damned..." said Elyse, looking Mary up and down..then giving a disgusted face.
"What you staring at sister? You like what you see, no?" said Mary, jiggling her butt.
"Eh, shepard girls are sooo not my type." Said elyse, huffing and sticking her nose in the air.
"So...you've been breeding them in seceret?" asked Corey, happy that Elyse wasn't in the least bit attracted to this Mary fellow.
"Yea, the business of sheep was declining...since i just could part with them...all the uh-uhing was quite good and all, so I had to find something to make money. It was then that i discovered a way to reproduce Giraffer Attackers." she said, tossing her hair behind her shoulders.
"What way do you speak of?" asked Rachel, becoming suspicious.
"Its for me to know and you to never find out." said Mary, walking back to her herd of Giraffer Attackers.
"There is something fishy about that...shepard." said Elyse, disgust apparent in her voice.
"YEa, I don't like the looks of her at all." Rachel said, glaring at her departing form.
"Well, I thought she was a nice young piece of ass...that pales in comparison to Elyse." said Corey, waggling his eyebrows sugggestively at Elyse.
"Ehe...like I said shepards aren't my type." Elyse responded, inching away from corey.
"But, I'm not a shepard!! I'm a poor farmer married to a fat frumpy lady!" corey pleaded.
"Shut up, both of you. We have to figure out a way to finish off the Giraffer Attackers...they should be extinct...not alive...it was the natural for us to wipe them out with nuclear bombs...we have to finish the job." said rachel, turning away from the herd and walking back in the direction they came.
"Where are we going?? The Giraffers are that way!" screamed Elyse.
"I have to talk to someone...someone very learned in the lore of the Giraffer Attackers and who may help us in our quest to destroy them once and for all." Said Rachel, beckoning both of them to follow her. They did and they set out for their greatest adventure ever: The Adventure to Extincitify The Giraffer Attackers.

hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. But who is this mysterious person with such knowledge of the ways of the Giraffer Attackers??! And what is up with this mary person and how did she reproduce a supposedly extinct species of animal?? Find out next time on The Giraffer Attacker Blog Series!!!
Luv!